Food Tastes Good Again (April Fools’ 2012)April 1, 2012
Hope you all enjoyed my little prank this year. I’m leaving this ridiculous post up for all those that missed it. Also, if you didn’t see the main site on April 1st, check out this screenshot. Yes. It was that ridiculous. (New, actual posts coming soon.)
It’s been a long time since my last blog post, and for that I sincerely apologize. The fact is, a lot has been going on in my life recently. Not just with the café, and not just with school, but personally, and especially with my relationship to food. Truth be told, I’ve struggled a lot with being vegan over the past several months, what with all the bland food options and the detrimental effects to my health. (Ever try to get full on just a bowlful of kale? Don’t bother: it ain’t gonna happen.) And in light of these experiences, I started to question my dietary choices, and after many weeks of hard thinking, I’m finally ready to come out and say it: I’m going back to eating animals.
And not just an animal now and then, either—nope, when I go in, I go all in. And that means eating animals three, even four times a day. You know, to make up for all those animals I failed to eat over the past four years.
Thankfully, my years of experience with vegan cooking have given me a lot of great inspiration now that I’m cooking actual food. Take this recent breakfast dish for instance—I call it Meat Lover’s Tofu Scramble. I simply took my old favourite tofu scramble recipes and subbed in eggs for the tofu! Add some “tempeh bacon” (I used pig’s bacon as my substitute) on the side, and voilà! Deliciousness is born:
The best part about this dish is that you don’t even need to add any turmeric, because guess what? Eggs are already yellow. Oh and they are already tasty, too. Good morning, indeed.
Moving on, did you know you can make nutloaf with meat instead of nuts? Some trendy carnivores like to call this “meatloaf”. It’s really easy to do, and barely requires a recipe, but if you’d like some guidelines, head on over to The Magical Loaf Studio. I know, I know, it’s a vegan resource, but with a little tweaking and creativity you can easily use it to help you make loafs that taste like actual food. Here’s what I recommend: Anywhere the recipe tells you to add some legumes or tofu or some other vegan nonsense, double the amount and sub in some meat. Also use meat in place of any nuts, vegetables, and bread crumbs. No need for herbs and other seasonings—meat’s already got all the flavour you need. In fact, just get a bread pan, throw as much meat as you can fit in there, and bake. It’s that simple:
This “nutloaf” goes well with gravy, hot sauce, and potatoes/more meat.
Finally, let’s talk dessert. As a vegan/vegetarian of many years, I’ll probably always love avocados. However, now that I’m back to eating animals, it’s been a little tough finding some non-lame ways to fit them in my diet. California rolls? Yeah, maybe if I never wanted any protein. Salad topping? As if I eat salads anymore. Green smoothies? I’d rather drink bacon grease. Thankfully, I have found a delectable use of guacamole—a little “dessert” treat known as Meat Cupcakes:
Yep, that’s guacamole piped onto pure beef sliders. Mmmmmm. I’d eat these for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I do.
Anyway, I know many of you were probably not anticipating this shift, but I also know that y’all are super supportive in whatever I do. I hope you’ll stay with me as I journey further into the world of eating animals again.
Mmm, eating animals. No better way to start off the month
Until we meat again,